Well it is blowing outside right now, and raining...which I am hoping to mean some melting will occur soon. But it also means that I can't upload the pics that I was going to. So I thought I would post this post that I wrote when I was at my mom's on vacation but never got around to posting. It is just me musing on things. I started journaling a few weeks ago and it has really been a wonderful things. I have found that is really helping me wrap my head around things. I have started journaling off and on many times over the years, but this is different. I don't feel pressure to do it, and it is more of a what I am thankful for, seeking the beauty thing, sorting my thoughts, helping me to live in the moment and achieve my goals. But occasionally I pour out my thoughts like I did the night I wrote this, and I thought I would share on here because I know I have a few readers who are dealing with similar issues.

So here it is....

Today I watched my child explain the quantum physics theory of teleportation to my mom's friend. At 5 years old, her view and understanding of the world has a depth that often takes me by surprise. Examples...
-to my mom when she realized we only had 3 and 1/2 more days left here on our vacation- "Well Nana we will just have to make the most of the time we have together."
-On why she doesn't seem to hear me when I tell her to do something- "My thoughts are like a big brick wall in my brain and your words just can't break through."

Often I wonder what her life will be like. Will she ever find someone who understands her? I remember how I felt growing alone, like no one got me and I wonder if it will be even more so for her. I wonder how I will ever be able to handle getting her the education she needs and I agonize over the decisions to be made. I know there are no manuals for raising kids, but there are even less resources and more unknowns when faced with raising a highly/profoundly gifted child.

I was working some thoughts over with my mom last night and mentioned that I was concerned with A's processing speed, in other words, how slow she works through things. Literally she can spend 3-4 times linger on something then she should because she is so distractable. It is like she takes in every stimuli there is around her with no ability to filter out the unimportant. I know this is why she can recall the most minuscule of things with incredible detail down to the color of clothing, temperature, what someone drank, etc, for memories from over 3 years ago, however, this makes it difficult for her, I feel like to focus on one things, she has to fight through a jungle of vines of other thoughts and stimuli. So it takes time. For example, she may instantly know 3x5=15, but to hear it, it has to fight it's way through the jumble, be processed, and the answer has to fight it's way back through. The question is... is this a problem? Will it resolve itself as she gets older? Should I be concerned? She is a contradiction. She is always on the go, so fast in speech and motion, but when trying to focus in on one thought, she slows almost to a crawl that I worry if it stays that way it will be a hindrance as she works grade levels ahead to meet her academic and emotional needs. so how do I help her with this?
I realized in discussing this, that her stutter, well stumbling over words really, when she speaks is the same thing. By the time she is saying a thought, her mind has already moved on and it is like reaching back, remembering the old thought, and pulling it through the jungle, while trying to finish saying it. The results- stumbles, repeated words, etc. You can actually see this process happening as she looks off to the side as she stumbles reaching through the cosmos for her thought, a flitting bird, just out of reach. How tired her little brain must be. I wonder if she will grow out of this? If she will find a way to filter, to slow down her racing mind, or at least find a way to compensate? Her mind goes so much faster than her mouth can move. Do I let this be, or work with her on it? If so... how? See this is why I need a book. Maybe I will write one one day.

Anyway, Thanks for letting me share.


Mick said…
Ansley's experiences sound a lot like my own at that age--my mind was so much faster than my motor skills and I could not filter incoming stimuli unless I fell into my own world of contemplation. Some of it improved as I grew older and my body caught up with my mind, but I am still extremely observant of the world around me.

Trial and error, as well as guidance from others in my life, have helped me develop strategies to cope with the input and the speed of thought (music while I read or work to block out other noises, typing or writing in short hand when I take notes or work on a project, taking a notepad to bed so that I can write down ideas that strike me as I'm falling asleep or wake me up...). I'm not sure if any of these might help Ansley, but I'm sure you and she will figure out ways to deal with this that work for her.
Amanda said…
Thank's for the suggestions Mick. It's nice to know someone else has been there and has found ways of coping. I just try to work with her the best I can and be patient. I would love to hear more about your experiences.